服裝規定

關於公司員工著裝儀錶有關規定的通知

各市分公司：
為體現公司的社會形象，對公司員工著裝儀錶做如下規定：
關於公司員工儀錶著裝的有關規定

一、為體現公司酷斃、帥呆的社會形象，對公司員工著裝儀錶、待人接物做如下規定，請全體員工參照執行。

二、男員工週一到週四必須穿正裝，即西裝或唐裝。特別注意：西裝後開氣必須剪開，否則有暗袋之嫌；袖口商標必須剪除，否則有民工之嫌；領帶夾必須使用不會褪色的，否則有鄉鎮企業家之嫌；棉毛衫褲不得從袖口或褲腳管露出，否則有體虛腎虧之嫌；唐裝不得使用黑色紗綢材料，否則有漢奸、土匪之嫌；顏色不得使用紅底黑福字，這與我公司行政級別不符。男士被發現前門未關好的，每次罰款5元。

三、女員工週一到週四必須穿套裝，裙子、褲子皆可，但請注意：服裝尺寸不得過緊，否則關鍵部位曲線過於明顯，將極大影響男員工工作效率，如實在天生身材魔鬼、無法遮掩，將調企業發展部負責向監管機構彙報工作；襯衫紐扣只能解開一到兩個，要解開三個及以上的需辦公室和人力資源部會簽，如第一顆紐扣就低於下巴20公分以上的，必須同時系好長不少於100公分、寬不少於80公分的胸巾；裙子長度不得少於20公分（臀部肥大者酌情增加），違反者將負責向上級領導和職能機關彙報緊急和疑難事務；暫不規定上限，但走路因穿著裙子而時常摔倒的，自第二月起將以智商過低為由不再續簽勞動合同。另：女士被發現上衣或裙子拉練、紐扣鬆開的，每次也罰款5元。

四、週五可以隨便穿著，休閒為主，但以下服裝禁止：軍裝、警服--不管你那裏搞來的，反正不許嚇著其他員工；哈韓哈日的肥褲之類--日語、韓語達到國家專業八級者例外；中山裝--將立即辦理退休手續；麻袋片--人力資源部將發放特種生活補貼每月1元；透視裝--為避免公司其他員工用眼過於費勁，請上班時寄放一樓前臺。

五、對髮型原則上不做規定，但請注意以下幾項：禿頂者不許塗髮蠟；長髮者不許在發間伴雜草莖、碎葉等；使用摩絲的不許過量，如果因此引致損壞公司牆面、撞碎玻璃等事故，必須照價賠償。

六、化妝問題：不得染髮！（白髮染黑者除外）不得使用含有進口牛脂、羊毛素等成分的化妝品，安全生產第一！不得使用假睫毛！否則領導無法從你眼神中判斷你的思想。不得使用劣質粉底！否則公司電腦鍵盤容易因粉塵引起短路。不得使用劣質唇膏！要體會清潔阿姨洗茶杯的艱苦。如果經人力資源部審核確認為恐龍或青蛙的，任何時候均不得化妝！長得難看不是你的錯，但是噁心人就不應該了。

七、儀容：領導在時應保持微笑！以表示工作愉快、幹勁十足。同事在時應保持微笑！以表示合作順利、互相支持。上級來時應保持微笑！以免被人看出不耐煩或討厭的情緒。

客戶來時應保持微笑！一直到貨款進帳為止。財稅審計人員來時應保持微笑！絕對不能顯出心虛。新聞媒體來時應保持微笑！顯示公司空前的團結和經營的良好。用餐時應神情急促！表示將馬上重新投入工作。下班時應眉頭緊鎖！表示回家後仍將考慮工作。另外吃飯時不許吧嘰嘴、說話時應杜絕方言（包括白話）並儘量使用英語或其他外語、罵人不許吐髒字、害人不許太明顯，以顯示員工優雅文明的素質。

以上規定自發佈之日起實施。

XXXX有限責任公司
二○○五年五月一日

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
   
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
   
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
   
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
   

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
  
• Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management