服装规定

关于公司员工着装仪表有关规定的通知

各市分公司：
为体现公司的社会形象，对公司员工着装仪表做如下规定：
关于公司员工仪表着装的有关规定

一、为体现公司酷毙、帅呆的社会形象，对公司员工着装仪表、待人接物做如下规定，请全体员工参照执行。

二、男员工周一到周四必须穿正装，即西装或唐装。特别注意：西装后开气必须剪开，否则有暗袋之嫌；袖口商标必须剪除，否则有民工之嫌；领带夹必须使用不会褪色的，否则有乡镇企业家之嫌；棉毛衫裤不得从袖口或裤脚管露出，否则有体虚肾亏之嫌；唐装不得使用黑色纱绸材料，否则有汉奸、土匪之嫌；颜色不得使用红底黑福字，这与我公司行政级别不符。男士被发现前门未关好的，每次罚款5元。

三、女员工周一到周四必须穿套装，裙子、裤子皆可，但请注意：服装尺寸不得过紧，否则关键部位曲线过于明显，将极大影响男员工工作效率，如实在天生身材魔鬼、无法遮掩，将调企业发展部负责向监管机构汇报工作；衬衫纽扣只能解开一到两个，要解开三个及以上的需办公室和人力资源部会签，如第一颗纽扣就低于下巴20公分以上的，必须同时系好长不少于100公分、宽不少于80公分的胸巾；裙子长度不得少于20公分（臀部肥大者酌情增加），违反者将负责向上级领导和职能机关汇报紧急和疑难事务；暂不规定上限，但走路因穿着裙子而时常摔倒的，自第二月起将以智商过低为由不再续签劳动合同。另：女士被发现上衣或裙子拉练、纽扣松开的，每次也罚款5元。

四、周五可以随便穿着，休闲为主，但以下服装禁止：军装、警服--不管你那里搞来的，反正不许吓着其他员工；哈韩哈日的肥裤之类--日语、韩语达到国家专业八级者例外；中山装--将立即办理退休手续；麻袋片--人力资源部将发放特种生活补贴每月1元；透视装--为避免公司其他员工用眼过于费劲，请上班时寄放一楼前台。

五、对发型原则上不做规定，但请注意以下几项：秃顶者不许涂发蜡；长发者不许在发间伴杂草茎、碎叶等；使用摩丝的不许过量，如果因此引致损坏公司墙面、撞碎玻璃等事故，必须照价赔偿。

六、化妆问题：不得染发！（白发染黑者除外）不得使用含有进口牛脂、羊毛素等成分的化妆品，安全生产第一！不得使用假睫毛！否则领导无法从你眼神中判断你的思想。不得使用劣质粉底！否则公司电脑键盘容易因粉尘引起短路。不得使用劣质唇膏！要体会清洁阿姨洗茶杯的艰苦。如果经人力资源部审核确认为恐龙或青蛙的，任何时候均不得化妆！长得难看不是你的错，但是恶心人就不应该了。

七、仪容：领导在时应保持微笑！以表示工作愉快、干劲十足。同事在时应保持微笑！以表示合作顺利、互相支持。上级来时应保持微笑！以免被人看出不耐烦或讨厌的情绪。

客户来时应保持微笑！一直到货款进帐为止。财税审计人员来时应保持微笑！绝对不能显出心虚。新闻媒体来时应保持微笑！显示公司空前的团结和经营的良好。用餐时应神情急促！表示将马上重新投入工作。下班时应眉头紧锁！表示回家后仍将考虑工作。另外吃饭时不许吧叽嘴、说话时应杜绝方言（包括白话）并尽量使用英语或其他外语、骂人不许吐脏字、害人不许太明显，以显示员工优雅文明的素质。

以上规定自发布之日起实施。

XXXX有限责任公司
二○○五年五月一日

1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
   
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
   
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
   
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
   

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:

• Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  
• Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
  
• Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management